In this world where I live and work. I find it impossible to share my inner thoughts and feelings with anyone.Those who surround me and not listening. They are eager to correct, criticize and judge. All replies are No, don’t and oh no. In this situation can I be honest? I have to say what they want to hear. Smile is fake and words have lost their meaning.
I want to stop and be honest. Yet, I know my audience. They are not ready to listen only. When ever I am trying to share the person in front is looking past me,am I invisible or absent. This attitude is disturbing but I can not show my irritation, they will not accept it. For them I am a multi channel entertainment program. Who must switch on to something melodious or funny. Nothing boring and crazy.
I ask myself, how long will this charade last? Perhaps death will silent me. Then a real silence will be my companion.
Mind is very tricky
Tells that I am picky
I trouble the worry bubble
Till it bursts with force
No one gets hurt other than troubles
It can’t then double or scare me
I boast, no trouble anymore.
Everything and everyone will end
Enemies as well as friends
Some will change heart
Some will die
You will remember or forget
Their love and passion
Their hatred and vision
You will end it
Or they will my friend
Remember while you are still around
In love with no limit or bond
You must live in full
Others may push or pull
Be true and sweet
Like a wonderful treat.
Eyes closed I sleep
So deep in peace
All night it’s dark and quiet
I seldom have any fright
Don’t come with ugly fights
Don’t argue on wrong and right
If you really want to come
Make it sweet and warm
Don’t forget it’s my time
My night, my bed my sleep
So please come softly in my dreams
Come to meet me:-)
Search for you and when you appear suddenly my eyes lit up and smile. You and only you have taught me how to love.
I feel free and happiness know no boundaries whenever you walk into my space, you make it a moment of love.
Why will I not pray for the heart that made me feel true love in real.
My eyes they search your face and read the deep love for me today as always:,-)
I pass by without knocking on doors
I never acknowledge that I know
You and your feelings anymore
It gives you comfort I am sure
I will not disturb rest assured
Earlier my absence made you sad
Now my presence makes you mad
Change of heart fright
How I remain miserable at night
Will you ever know
Half the year is gone just as life. What have I done till now? The resolution for this year is still on yet I have taken many starts like ignition. All ready and then the energy vanished. I am still trying,so let me aloud repeat the resolution for 2019.
1/ Get a job/ project as an Architect. Did try but I think that my portfolio needs to improve. So, I am thinking about creating a new one.
2/ Loose weight. I did shed but not enough.
3/ Clean the store room. Asked my husband to help but he is still finding relevant excuses. So I will wait, never clean by yourself because anything goes missing it will be blamed on me ;).
4/ Learn Bengali. Learning the numbers. Started writing consonants but let me acknowledge , you need to have artistic handwriting or you will make a blunder.
I don’t know how much will be possible in next six months. The way I am not much can I expect from myself. Self evaluation is always tough. You can lie to yourself but then it’s disappointing. Will I make it happen or not. Come December if I am around I will review.